Aaron Presley

This week I spent an unordinary amount of time with almost all of my closest friends. It started off with being in a wedding where I saw two close friends tie the knot, and it ended with some beautiful ladies cooking us guys dinner. This extended time to be with my best friends gave me an opportunity to observe them in a way I had never thought to before.

One of my friends, for example, is always calm and collected. He is able to think through any situation and make a rational decision; and he never appears to be anxious (even on his wedding day). Another friend has a huge amount of compassion. He cares about everything from comforting a total stranger to stopping the car to remove an injured bird out of the middle of the road. I have a friend that is always smiling and can single-handedly make any situation fun just by showing up. Another friend I would trust with my own life, and I’m not the only person that feels that way. Why can’t I control my emotions like Burke can? Why don’t I care for people or have an infectious laugh like Andrew or Caitlin? What does it take to be as trustworthy as Jonas? Can these things be learned? What would it take to steal my favorite piece from all of my friends and add them to my own personality?

After spending some time perplexed and frustrated over these questions, I realized that that’s exactly why I am friends with these people. The best friendships are in a constant pendulum of give and take – not everyone you identify yourself with is the same, and those differences should be celebrated. When I am being self-centered, thank God that I have a friend there to balance me out. Having a friend that I trust so much makes me want to be trustworthy myself. We are all friends because we all admire each other. We spend time together because we love to observe the others and hope that their best qualities rub off on us. We laugh together and we struggle together because we know our own strengths and weaknesses, and know we can depend on each other to make up for what we’re lacking.

This was a great week.

There have been several occasions where, upon much googling, I learned that there weren’t any good Visual Studio icons with a transparent background. I decided to remove the background and upload it to the blog for the SEO powers that be to find.

So, here it is, in all its glory:

Over the past few weeks I have been thinking of the concept of goodbye. I came to realize that a goodbye has preceded every big change in my life up until this point. I don’t know if this will always be the case or not, but it has been the trend so far.

I also came to realize that, while sometimes they’re pretty lame, they are very necessary. If I had never had to say goodbye I wouldn’t be where I am today. I would have never said goodbye to my friends at my old school to move to a new one, and I would have never said goodbye to my friends and family to move off to college where I met my very closest friends. I know there aren’t that many examples, but each significant chapter change in my life has been preceded by a goodbye.

This time I was on the receiving end. I have been going down a somewhat winding path and was lucky enough to have a close friend going down the same one for a long time. It’s kind of exciting to look down at your individual maps and see you are both headed toward some awesome futures, but it’s always kind of sad when you hit the fork in the road and it’s time to say goodbye. You don’t know for certain the next time your journeys will cross each other or if they’ll ever join again, but you do know you enjoyed the company while it lasted.

Especially when you got frisked after trespassing so you could make a movie about potatoes.

As the both of you that read this know, it was recently Father’s Day. I am fortunate enough to have a home and a father to see on this occasion. Since I absolutely detest flying (and love driving) this trip was sandwiched between a good 10 hours of drive time there and back, which allowed for plenty of thinking.

I thought about all of the things I have learned from my dad. Some were lessons he specifically sat down to teach me (like how it’s not cool to kill a turtle with a hammer, especially his hammer) but most were transferred through his unconscious actions being carefully observed by an eager little kid who knew that his dad was the strongest and smartest.

Put simply: my dad is a bad-ass (pardon the horribly foul language). He has always (and still continues to) teach me one thing after another. I don’t think I will ever stop learning things when observing his selfless attitude, and I’m afraid I’ll never achieve the immediate respect his presence demands. He has seen and sacrificed more for my well-being than I will ever be able to know, let alone write about.

He would give you the shirt off of his back, but mess with his family and you’ll be eating your teeth (he would probably still let you keep the shirt). He didn’t always have the right words to say but he knew he didn’t really need them anyway. He is the manliest man I know but the he’s not scared to cry during a good episode of Extreme Home Makeover.

The greatest thing my dad has taught me hasn’t been how to hold a pocket knife, or gut a fish. It hasn’t been how to change the oil in my car, put up drywall or grill a rack of ribs (don’t quite have that lesson down yet). Not how to “follow through” or why it’s important to never cut corners. No, the greatest thing my dad could have ever taught me is how to think for myself, and that brokenness is a form of perfection.

And to never kill a turtle with his hammer.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can only hope to be half of the man he is some day. He gave me a fish and taught me how to catch my own. That is the kind of father I hope to be some day.

One of my goals of late has been to become a wine connoisseur. I don’t have a particular reason for this – maybe because I consider it classy, maybe because I want to have an informed opinion on something that could be a good topic of discussion. Either way, I started my journey tonight: with an $8 red wine from Super Target called “Red” (fitting).

I don’t particularly know how to rate wine, as this has been my first time to drink it with the intention of evaluation, but this one tasted about what I would expect an $8.48 bottle of wine would taste like.

I don’t really know how long this topic will keep my interest, but I would definitely like to graduate out of Target quality and (possibly) into Kroger territory. That will be the day.

The other night I had the opportunity to have a conversation with a few friends who, during any lul in conversation, would competitively declare their high level of inebriation. This is probably the reason this conversation was more than the shallow small talk about weather and such – though the attention span was significantly shorter.

A member of this conversational group had just started dating a new girl about a week prior. My friend declared “Man, I’m real happy for you. I know you were pretty [naughty word]‘ed up after losing your last girlfriend – I’m glad that you have found true happiness this time.”

True happiness? Really? I realize this guy wasn’t totally sober, but that’s how a lot of people think. The last round wasn’t true happiness, but this. THIS would make you happy. This girl won’t break your heart like the other one. This last piece of molded plastic and twisted wires will be all you need. Looking like this is how to feel like you belong. This amount of popularity will be your savior. This type of car will accept you as you are.

This conversation has been on my mind for a few days now. It gives me both a sense of complete sorrow and elation. Sorrow because so many don’t realize there’s so much more. They don’t see that there is something deeper than rolling around on the surface of a big rock for a few years before eventually becoming part of it.

Elation because I don’t have to continue grasping at straws, hoping to find anything that fits the mold of what I’m looking for. The world isn’t weighing on my shoulders because I have no stake in it. This is a good feeling.

I know this guy, his name is Obsessed*. I haven’t known him for long but just long enough to know some of his back story. In his not-so-distant past, he ached for approval. He wanted to be liked so he did whatever it took to be seen and approved of. This is where he got his name.

Anyway, present day: his name is still Obsessed. He doesn’t really have that issue with desiring popularity anymore. You see, Obsessed realized that people’s approval wasn’t what he needed so he completely dropped them and only hung out with Passion*. Passion is great and all, but all Obsession wants to do is hang out with Passion. He has forgotten people exist.

On the rare occasion Obsessed does connect with someone long enough for a conversation, he only talks to them about Passion – even if they don’t know who Passion is. When meeting someone that hasn’t met Passion, Obsessed doesn’t stop nagging them about how important it is for them to meet his dear friend. Don’t get me wrong: I think everyone should meet Passion too, but Obsessed just doesn’t realize that he’s not representing Passion as someone that a normal person would want to hang out with.

That’s really all I have to say.

*In order to protect the identity of the parties involved, the names and dates have been changed

Well, It has been a good while since I’ve blogged anything. Why? It’s not because I don’t have a lot rolling around up there, but mostly because I don’t consider myself one to throw up on my keyboard for all the world to see (though I have done it a few times). So that leaves the question: Do you I blog because I want to do it regularly, even if I don’t have anything to say? Or do I wait until something strikes me just enough to blog about (which is pretty rare)?

I don’t know.

Anyway, a few updates in my life are as follows:

• I bought a Mac computer. I wouldn’t say I’m going to consider myself a “Mac Guy” – I don’t think I ever will – but I will say that I am impressed with how quickly it has grown on me.
• I am finally rid of my old web host Globat. I don’t guess they were so horrible, but their customer service was (as well as customization options).
• I got a 5 year plan.
• I bought and assembled (with some help) a new computer desk. Using it right now and I don’t hate it.

I enjoy my life very much: my friends are great, my job is fun, my family is supportive, and my God is Good.

Exasperation is a frequent character in this play. It’s okay, though, because that makes me enjoy Rest’s role all the more.

I have always considered myself a “strong” person – I have always been able to plug the most important leaks in my wall. I have seen some hard times and been okay. I have seen tragedy and made it through. That’s what I thought, at least until I got some much needed perspective.

This weekend I briefly crossed paths with a person that has experienced things I can’t imagine – things I don’t want to imagine. Her walls had been broken beyond repair and were moments away from collapsing on her, but they didn’t. They still haven’t.

This has been on my mind all weekend – it’s really easy for me to pat myself on the back for keeping my wall patched and my ground dry, but I wonder how I would react when everything started crashing down on my head. This woman is reminded on a daily basis that this “wall” is everything but in her control. Every day she walks around in heart-wrenching sludge, being thankful that God has held back the flood that she could be drowning in. It’s encouraging and humbling to see.

I am completely thankful for the countless ways Christ has blessed my life. I need to stop living my life like I know where it’s going. This adventure is fragile and prone to shatting, and I’m not the one keeping it together.

Over the past few months, since December, I have been under the impression that I had begun a huge life change. I had made the decision to drop out of school – a place I felt I was paying thousands of dollars every semester to learn things I didn’t need to know – and I started to work full time at Ascendio – where I was learning things relevant to what I wanted to accomplish with my life and getting paid for it in the process.

I carefully considered this decision for some time (okay, maybe a few months. But I still thought about it carefully). I sought wisdom from people I trusted in the web design community as well as those people I have placed in my life to help me spot potholes (or cliffs) in the road ahead. All systems were go. I was a full-timer.

The verbiage people (including myself) chose to describe my new role verses my old role was “a complete life change”, but I have recently come to the realization that it’s not true.

College was challenging for me. I loved it, and I hated it. My last semester was the most challenging 5 months of my life, and also the most character-building. I was doing way too many things at once, and the knowledge on how to complete (nearly) all of them were beyond me. Sitting in front of my math book and looking up formulas on the internet was partially frustrating, but also exciting because I was being stretched more than before, and I was coming out on top.

Enter: my job. I love making websites. I love it, and I hate it. When someone tells me “we need a website that can do this and do that” I usually respond with “okay!” when I actually have no idea how to do it. Knowing I just got a project that is going to stretch me more than I have been stretched before is both incredibly exciting and frustrating. Some days I feel I got alot done and am learning, other days I go home frustrated because I missed my self-enforced “productivity quota” for the day.

When I compared my thoughts on college vs my new role, I see that they are remarkably similar. Maybe a “life change” isn’t the right way to define this, then. I’m still doing the same thing, just in a different way. I still seek knowledge but it’s what knowledge I see as needed and not what my teacher or school thinks I need to know. It’s not forced upon me with tests and projects, but it’s something I pursue with ferocity because I want to.

So instead of naming this new chapter in my book a “Life Change” I would like it to be called “Moving Forward, Faster”.